I want the alpha male confidence

Of Margaret O Grady, five foot landlady of my college halls
breaking up brawls between heavyweight drunks, with just indignation
for them the question doesn’t even occur
could I knock her over?

I want the voice that is felt as a rumble
like John Wayne — low, slow, say only enough
speaks last in meetings, first in emergencies
gestures like Obama. Calls Simon ‘Peter’, and Peter agrees

tells uncomfortable truths, and is thanked
the man who deals with the man who behaves badly around women
has the muscle memory of violence, it is said
captured adroitly in Yiddish

sets boundaries, concrete as a table and chairs
at ease having enemies, calls them opponents
has wants. These are requirements to others.
all of that. But still feel like it’s me.

(Yoichi Okamoto / National Archives)